Kiwis and Fairy Bread

18 September 2025

Today we would fulfill one of Mike’s childhood wishes: to see The Blackpool Illuminations.

As a child his grandmother brought he and his siblings here in the summertime. They walked on The Prom (promenade), played on the beach and ate Rock (candy sticks with the letters “BLACKPOOL” running through it). He’d heard about The Illuminations which, since 1879, have beckoned visitors to this seaside city during the off season. Now he finally had the opportunity to see them for himself.

It is not the first time for me in Blackpool. When Emi and Ben were little, Mike’s sister Janice brought us all here for a day trip one summer. They rode donkey’s on the beach (Ben loved his, named Robin Hood) and played in the surf.

Today, in 2025, we found Blackpool to be a tacky seaside city that is quite past its prime. But we were here and we made the best of it.

The economical, clean and very friendly Travelodge was our home base. After an early check in we headed for a rainy walk on the beach. The tide is quite dramatic here and the surf was barely in site. The wall of the promenade is curiously shaped into octagonal tidal pools that trap water and sea life. In it we found lots of razor clams.

Up on the Main Street we bought several sticks of “The cheapest rock in Blackpool“ and asked the bored clerk where to go for ice cream. “The best in the world” was around the corner, he said.

Well he was way wrong. The ice cream was grainy and there was far too much of it to fit on the stale wafer cone. The best vanilla cone in the world, in my opinion, can be found on the south bank of The Thames, in a little red food truck (see post for 25 June 2024). The best ice cream in the entire world is at The Lavender Farm near White Horse Hill, New Zealand (see post 28 December 2023). But I digress.

The rain was falling steadily so Mike and I got on the tram that runs the length of the city. Our all-day tickets were 6 pounds 50 each. Not a bad deal. We hopped off near The Tower, an Eiffel Tower rip off that is a centerpiece of tourism and the Blackpool skyline. A pier of amusements and rides runs far out into the water. Casinos abound as do shows of comedy and magic. Outside a colorful arcade a line of horse drawn Cinderella coaches awaited the steady stream of princess-hopefuls. A plaza on The Prom is dedicated to comedy with a sidewalk installation of jokes of mediocre taste from across the decades.

Back on the tram we went all the way to the edge downtown where we saw what we believed would be The Illuminations we sought. But darkness was still several hours away. So we got off again at The Jubilee Garden, a very nice park with grass and rock formations. A sign said, oddly “Here lives the rock giant. Write him a letter, put it in the box and he will write back”. It was so creepy I retreated quickly.

Here The Promenade has four levels, and just as the sky cleared and the wind picked up we got stuck for about a mile on a middle section. It took us to The Center Pier where there was a at least some shelter from the wind. A beautiful antique restored carousel was closed at the moment, as was a comedy club. Open was a Victorian bar where “the wearing of sportswear is not permitted after 5pm”. The place was empty,

Back on the tram for a rest and then dinner. We got off near The Tower and overheard a Canadian couple mentioning a chip shop they had read about. “Lie-lees” he pronounced it. It was as good a recommendation as any, so we followed these people to “Lily’s” where the service was quick, the chips crisp and fish fresh. Nice. (BTW chip shops abound in Blackpool. I must have seen one or two on every block)

Out of Lily’s to watch the sunset over The Prom and await “zero-hour” when the lights would be turned on. Onto the tram and a word with our conductor who greeted us (as they all did) with a hearty “Yu-allright?” To which the expected answer is “Ya,umallright” as you take out your ticket. (The only variation of this dialogue that I observed was “Yu-OK?” “Ya-umOK”). As we approached the end (the beginning?) of The Illumination display the lights went on.

Now, I consider myself pretty good with words. But I am struggling on how to describe what we saw. There was a variety of displays in various states of craftsmanship, age, wear and tear and taste. Some looked like they should be a backdrop to some amusement park ride. Others like the front of a fun house, or an arcade or even a faded themed restaurant. King Tut’s tomb opened to reveal a smiling mummy. Scenes from Alice in Wonderland has peeling paint. The children’s character of Noddy spun around a little merry go round in the dark. A group of dancing girls made out of dots were kicking their heals over a swan lane (lake?). A Day of the Dead inspired billboard was new and quite colorful as the LED display changed colors, on three quarters of it. And the Blackpool City Council was out with its cherry picker repairing the haunted house. Surprisingly, in the darkness The Daleks looked pretty real, rising above the beach to attack The TARDIS.

It was all pretty, well, meh. In some sections people were scarce and we felt safer walking quickly. In others there were plenty of people out with their kids and their dogs. Back on the tram to make one last stop at the tower. Here the lights were of more recent design, strings of LED’s in patterns criss crossed the street in various bright, changing colors and patterns. The same was going on up the tower, and on the promenade there was a its tunnel neon-like hoops. Little ones in fleece onesies ran through the tunnel and tried to catch the bubbles being blown by the toy vendor. A group of little boys were the lucky recipients of light sabers and I smiled as I watched their epic battle.

The tram back was a merry one. We even had the same conductor as the trip up. I admired the wool jacket of a woman sitting in front of me “Thanks. I bought it at a Charity shop”. “Great find!”.

It was all pretty much as we had expected. An eight mile walk, a good meal, and lots to talk about. Not a bad way to spend a day. Not a bad day at all.